He's Been Using me for...

Dear WISY,

Brace yourself because this is pretty crazy and I don't know what to do because I love this man with every bit of me.

Okay, I've been with this guy for two years and we are the regular couple - we go on trips, he sleeps over, I sleep over at his place, I've met his friends and family and he's met mine.  Everything is good, no complaints.  

Since we've been together for two years, I started hinting toward marriage.  He would always say he wouldn't hesitate to marry me but it's not time yet.  I have never felt like there was something wrong until now and the feeling was so strong that I began to think that things were too good to be true.  I wasted no time and hired a PI.  I needed to know what was up and felt that the money I spent was well worth it.

I wasn't prepared for what I found out.  First thing that was revealed was my man is married.  I was devastated but thought he must be separated because I've been to his place, slept there and there's no sign of anyone else living there.  I decided to confront my man about it and try to convince him to proceed with a divorce.  I didn't realize that I was only scratching the surface of what was really going on.

He told me that he is married and happily married at that.  He told me he didn't ever plan to leave his wife and that she is aware of his relationship with me.  He then told me that the apartment I go to is their "time off" place and his wife knows about it because she also uses it when she entertains her boyfriend or boyfriends.  To sum it all up, they are married and have a home together but use this apartment to cheat on each other and are fine with that!
What in world??!!

He told me to take it or leave it and I know I should leave it but I love him and I can't see myself without him.  Do you see something wrong with staying with him?  I figure the relationship would still be the same and like I said before, I didn't have any complaints.

Signed,
Deceived

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WISY's Response:

Dear Deceived,

😲😲😲 Very interesting.

This whole discovery occurred because you were looking for marriage.  That tells me you wanted more from your relationship.  Did that feeling disappear into thin air?  Will that feeling arise again in the future?  Will you feel short changed in the long run?  Are you okay with sharing your man now that you know where he'll be when not with you?  You have a lot to ask yourself in order to know what to do. 

Take all things into consideration and be honest with yourself.  It seems to me that you want a marriage and family of your own and you won't get that with him.  The decision is pretty obvious to me but if you decide to stay, don't pressure this man to do anything outside of him and his wife's agreement and remember that you are there for his "off time".  And maybe you will discover that "off time" is all you need but you need to ask yourself the questions above in order to determine that.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

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