I Love my Boss

Dear WISY,

My post may be long but I need to explain everything for your understanding.  Please share because I need advice, I am confused right now.  No insults please and thanks.  I am a 25 year old female from Kogi state; I am done with HND and haven't been able to go further because of money.  I had to leave Nigeria a few months ago to work in another country.

Currently I’m in Liberia.  There is not much to do here so I started working as a waitress in a casino pub. When I got there, they only had a few workers because Liberia girls are lazy and the money isn’t enough so they work on and off.  I told my boss (a white guy) that I have friends from Nigeria that would like to come work here.  I brought 4 more Nigerians and we all stay in an apartment paid from our salary every month and we get paid every month too.

My boss asked me out and we started dating.  We have sex anywhere we want even during working hours.  I was falling in love so fast.  He told me he has no wife but he has an ex back in London with 4 kids.  I also told him I had a child back when I was 20 years old and that it was a rape and he still accepted me.

About a month or 2 later, I found out he has a black woman here in Liberia and he is married with a kid.  I was sad and wanted to go back to my country.  I asked him and he explained to me that even though he is married he doesn't love his wife and they are getting divorced soon.  Later, I heard that the same wife is heavily pregnant.  I asked him about it and he said he thought I knew.  He started begging saying the child may not be his because it’s been a long time since he’s touched the wife and he wants her to give birth and  then do some tests.

I told him it's over and he burst into tears telling me I brought happiness back to his life and I shouldn't leave him.  I told him to leave me to think about it.  I am so in love with this man but I don't want to spoil anyone's marriage.  He makes me happy anytime I see him.

Later a worker from the club who seems to be close to the wife told her that I am dating her hubby.  She threatened to hurt me and the man told me to go to Nigeria for a while and relax for a month and come back to work so everything will cool down and the wife may give birth before I come.  I did exactly that and was still sending more Nigerians to work while some came back home.  He did send me money and sent me pix, voice notes and videos of him wanking (I mean masturbate, if you don't understand) to put my mind at rest that he isn't sleeping with any other girl or his wife.

A few days before I was meant to resume work, I got a message from one of my friends working in Liberia that the wife gave birth to a girl. I was happy for him and waited for him to tell me himself when we chatted but 2 days passed and he didn't mention it until the 3rd day.  He said his wife gave birth and I asked him why he didn’t tell me before.  He said he was scared because the baby was his.  I told him I am done and don't want to come back.  He started pleading and begged me to please come; I can work and have a great friend and he said his life is meaningless without me. I still felt like going so I went.

Now I am back in Liberia and we are still dating and he has sex with me and I ask him for sex anytime I want to because I never dated anyone in this country - only him but I’m losing it because I’m dating a married man and am in love with him.  He stays away when I am on my period saying he is sick but when I’m back he cares and cuddles with me.  We laugh, play and he massages my body.  He always says if I get pregnant, it's fine, we will keep it.

I don't know if this is real love or he is just using me.  Maybe I should breakup or just walk away.  Anytime we have an argument he always asks “Do u want marriage now?  If you do then, it’s OK by me.”  but I don't really know what I want - if it’s marriage, love or lust. I don't know what he is up to either, all I know is he loves his kids so much.  

Please advise. No insults, thanks and God bless.

Signed,

Boss's Side Lady

 Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship

Law of Attraction: The Science of Attracting More of What You Want and Less of What You Don't

WISY's Response:

Dear Boss's Side Lady,

There are so many red flags here and I don't want you to turn a blind eye to them anymore.  I will not insult you, I will however tell you how I honestly feel about this situation and I hope it can serve as a wake up call for you.

I can tell you're looking for a reason to stay with him.  He's your one and only in an unfamiliar country and he serves as a source of comfort for you but that is not grounds to continue this relationship with a married man.  In addition to the fact that he's married, he's also a liar.  He lied about his marriage and his wife's pregnancy and when you confronted him, his response was he thought you knew?  This man is playing games with you and knows all the right things to say to you in order to keep you near.

It sounds to me like you two enjoy sex with each other more than anything else and it's clear to me that that's what he's most interested in from you, especially since you say he stays away when you're on your period.  

Don't waste any more time in this situation mistaking it for love.  Do not allow lust and comfort to cloud your judgment.  You seem like an ambitious young woman who has overcome a tremendous tragedy.  Do not allow anything or anyone to make you lose focus or diminish your strength.    

I'm sure there are many single men you can meet who would be willing to show you that there is much more to do in Liberia than have sex and lie to you.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

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