Dear WISY,
I'm involved with a man from the Caribbean and I must say that it is a very challenging relationship. Please don't come for me, but I heard Caribbeans are difficult to deal with because they cheat a lot and have babies everywhere they go. I hate to say this, but that stereotype is proving to be true. Every time I turn around, I find something proving that he's cheating.
The latest thing he's done is get a hotel room for him and some girl he met to meet up. I found the reservation on his laptop because he didn't close out of his account (I wasn't snooping and we share the same laptop). I haven't said anything about it because I know he'll just lie about it. We have so much sex. How is it that he wants more than what he's already getting?
In the past, I feel like he's been disrespectful. He told me he doesn't want me partying with him and basically told me I'm not a good enough dancer to go out with him. I want him to give me a chance to learn his culture. I want to go to carnival and I want to learn how to prepare the dishes that he likes, but he keeps shutting me out, telling me that I just don't get it.
I guess what I'm really asking is for some help with understanding Caribbean men so we can strengthen our relationship.
Signed,
American Girl
WISY's Advice:
Dear American Girl,
As a Caribbean woman, I cannot allow the slander of an entire population of men...especially when it comes to my brothers, partner, and all the other wonderful Caribbean men in my life. You must know that cheating is not exclusive to Caribbean people and that this sort of thing can and does happen across all cultures. You must know that, right? The stereotype is foolish and repeating it reflects your naivety, but I'm glad you chose me to provide you with some guidance. Hopefully I can change your views.
Cultural differences aside, you're ultimately asking me how to cope with someone who is not ready for an exclusive relationship. I'm not going to do that. Find someone who is on the same page as you are, someone who is willing to grow with you, include you in their activities, and most importantly, someone who loves and respects you.
You came across a bad apple, and as the saying goes, one doesn't spoil the whole bunch. If you're interested in our culture, take a trip to a destination celebrating carnival (or not), eat our food, and meet our people. Also, Google and YouTube are full of recipes you can try!
Whatever you do, don't treat this as a Caribbean problem. As I stated before, this is a problem that you could experience with anyone. Don't give him a pass because of some foolish stereotype crutch. If you want to work it out, he should prove his worthiness through changed behavior just like you would expect from any other man in this situation, but I'd throw this apple away if I were you. It's rotten.
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
P.S. The term is not "Caribbeans". If anything, it's West Indians or Caribbean people if the island is not independent.
The latest thing he's done is get a hotel room for him and some girl he met to meet up. I found the reservation on his laptop because he didn't close out of his account (I wasn't snooping and we share the same laptop). I haven't said anything about it because I know he'll just lie about it. We have so much sex. How is it that he wants more than what he's already getting?
In the past, I feel like he's been disrespectful. He told me he doesn't want me partying with him and basically told me I'm not a good enough dancer to go out with him. I want him to give me a chance to learn his culture. I want to go to carnival and I want to learn how to prepare the dishes that he likes, but he keeps shutting me out, telling me that I just don't get it.
I guess what I'm really asking is for some help with understanding Caribbean men so we can strengthen our relationship.
Signed,
American Girl
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| Image by Pexels from Pixabay |
Dear American Girl,
As a Caribbean woman, I cannot allow the slander of an entire population of men...especially when it comes to my brothers, partner, and all the other wonderful Caribbean men in my life. You must know that cheating is not exclusive to Caribbean people and that this sort of thing can and does happen across all cultures. You must know that, right? The stereotype is foolish and repeating it reflects your naivety, but I'm glad you chose me to provide you with some guidance. Hopefully I can change your views.
Cultural differences aside, you're ultimately asking me how to cope with someone who is not ready for an exclusive relationship. I'm not going to do that. Find someone who is on the same page as you are, someone who is willing to grow with you, include you in their activities, and most importantly, someone who loves and respects you.
You came across a bad apple, and as the saying goes, one doesn't spoil the whole bunch. If you're interested in our culture, take a trip to a destination celebrating carnival (or not), eat our food, and meet our people. Also, Google and YouTube are full of recipes you can try!
Whatever you do, don't treat this as a Caribbean problem. As I stated before, this is a problem that you could experience with anyone. Don't give him a pass because of some foolish stereotype crutch. If you want to work it out, he should prove his worthiness through changed behavior just like you would expect from any other man in this situation, but I'd throw this apple away if I were you. It's rotten.
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
P.S. The term is not "Caribbeans". If anything, it's West Indians or Caribbean people if the island is not independent.
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