Dear WISY,
I walked in on my man masturbating to some girl on girl porn. It's not a big deal but it is for me because he hasn't had sex with me in almost 2 months. I've been asking him for sex. I've actually been begging him to have sex and he keeps turning me down. He tells me that he's tired or he's stressed. He told me he has no sex drive. I believed him so I was shocked when I woke up from a nap and saw him pleasuring himself to the sight of these two women who look nothing like me.
I confronted him and he told me that he just got the urge to do it. He then told me that he was actually no longer attracted to me because I'm now boring and I need to do something about my appearance. I'm so hurt. After being with him for a year, I may have gained a few pounds and I admit I am consumed with work and not my appearance, but how shallow can he be?? He also said I don't do anything to stimulate him anymore.
I'm shocked by all of this. I don't want to lose him, but I'm hurt. I want to get back to the old me but I am pursuing my career and I am just really focused. How can I balance both? Please help! I need advice, please.
Signed,
Hurt
WISY's Advice:
Dear Hurt,
It's unfortunate that your boyfriend's feelings had to spill out in this manner. Communication surrounding his issues should've occurred prior to this incident in the form of a heart to heart conversation. I can understand that you're hurt, but in all honesty, it seems you have become more concerned with your career pursuits and have neglected the things in your relationship which initially drew you two together.
If you become consumed by work, then you must expect your relationship to suffer because you have replaced the stimulating things you used to do with activities for your career. I'm not saying that pursuing your career is a negative thing, I'm saying that it comes at a cost. Further, if you don't have the type of partner who understands the effort it takes to fulfill your goals, you end up with what you're facing now.
So, think about the future and all your goals. Is this the right partner to accompany you on that journey? Is getting back to the old you going to jeopardize your quest to fulfill those goals? Think about how much more of your time your career pursuits will take. Talk to your boyfriend about it. If he can't hang on for the duration, let him go. If he can, get him involved in your vision, and find the time for yourself and for him.
Just so you know, someone who truly loved you would not treat you this way. I think he's already checked out and ready to move on. You should prepare for that. Try your hardest not to allow his departure to deter you. A more emotionally attached, supportive man will come at the right time. Don't even sweat it. You're too beautiful and intelligent for that! 😍
Walk good,
Just so you know, someone who truly loved you would not treat you this way. I think he's already checked out and ready to move on. You should prepare for that. Try your hardest not to allow his departure to deter you. A more emotionally attached, supportive man will come at the right time. Don't even sweat it. You're too beautiful and intelligent for that! 😍
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
Wooow that hurt my feelings. But when you get into a relationship with someone and change physically in a year and no longer do some of the same things how and why would you expect someone to keep "living you" when you changed in a year?
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