Dear WISY,
I grew up in the
inner city area of a major city. My
daily life consisted of ducking from shootings, fighting, watching drug addicts
shoot up in the streets and ratchet baby mamas yelling at their kids. My parents were strong and cautioned me and
my siblings about the streets and told us to work hard so we’d never have the
stress of raising a family in an area like where I grew up. My parents tried hard to get us out but
weren’t successful so when it was time to go to college, I left and never
intended to return.
I left the state
and went to a school completely different to what I was accustomed to. I was the minority on campus but that didn’t
phase me. I wasn’t treated badly and I
quickly learned to relax and adjust to the safety that this new environment
brought. I also met someone and we fell
for each other fast.
He’s white and I’m
black and my family is against dating outside of our race because of a so
called system but I don’t believe all of that and even if I did, I believe in
the power of love more. Anyway, my
parents want me to come home for the summer but I don’t want to go back to
dodging bullets and I especially don’t want to go back if I can’t bring my
boyfriend to meet my parents. I know
they’ll be angry about it but I just don’t want to live that life anymore.
How do you tell
pro black parents that you aren’t down for the cause anymore?
Signed,
Swirling
WISY’s Response:
Dear Swirling,
I have several
thoughts about your letter. First, I
totally understand why you wouldn’t want to return to that environment; I can’t fault you for that at all. Second, I also believe that the power of love
is greater than anything else in this Universe and you should be free to love
whomever you want. However, I am concerned that you are too comfortable with turning your
back on your family after such a short time.
It makes me wonder how you will treat them in the future for believing
what they do. I think the most important
thing here is to find balance.
Understand that
everyone has their beliefs and more often than not, they stem from a life
experience of some sort (you’re a prime example of that). We all have to find our own way in this world
but we also need support. Be sure not to
cut ties with your parents for the first thing that seemingly rescues you
from your past.
If your parents
are pro black and do not condone dating outside of your race then respect that
but let them know that you do not agree and would like your decision to be
respected as well. Explain your feelings
towards your neighborhood and the fear you experienced as a child. I’m sure they will understand your hesitance
to return, especially since they’ve engraved in you the need to work hard and
not raise your own family there. Perhaps they could come visit you at college or you could stay in a safer area near your home where they can visit.
Be mindful when you say you’re not down for the cause anymore. You’re black so you should always be aware of
the injustices towards your race. Whether you choose to take an active role in seeking justice is up to you but you will never completely escape the injustices because you are black, my dear. If you haven't realized that yet, you will soon. Being
conscious and having awareness isn't negative, it does not translate to anti-white, it does not
translate to enduring harsh living environments for the sake of not "selling out"and it definitely does not
translate to being closed minded. So, be sure not to also box yourself into a category by eliminating a major part of who you are. Again,
balance will be your friend through all of this.
Have a conversation with your parents about your thoughts and let them know that you want them to meet your boyfriend at some point. You should get them used to this before you pop up with him (something you should do regardless of his race anyway). You never know, your parents could be more accepting of this than you think.
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
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To answer your question, simply put, you don't tell them, you show them. Each man has his own life to lead and live. They have theirs and you have yours. They don't get to govern you anymore, not once your on your own. Live your life like its golden and be true to you. That is all. Carry on.
ReplyDeleteI understood your feelings to a point, but I fear you are making a grave mistake. The saying the grass isn't always greener is there for a reason. Dating a white person and going to school in a predominantly white environment in no way makes you white, and sadly is open season for even more issues than you had to face before. While I do not believe in judging persons based off of their skin colour, it happens. It's a very real issue. Do NOT forget who you are or where you came from because your past is what shaped you into the person you are today..... the same person your boyfriend ended up falling for. It's always easy to look at the negative in situations and miss all of the positive things that were a result of them. The neighbourhood you grew up in was rough. As a result, you aren't only book smart, but street smart as well. You are resilient, you know the value off hard work and are living proof that your circumstances aren't hindrances, but can be used as motivation to propel you forward to bigger and better things. You also had parents that loved, supported and encouraged you to be better than they were because they want better for you. Cherish that... Cherish THEM. You only get one set of parents, and while they may not have been perfect, they seemed to always have your best interests at heart. Don't turn your back on them. Also, Pro Black ≠ anti white Or any other race. Being down for the cause doesn't mean you can't be in an interracial relationship. Interracial relationships are part of the cause while being it's own cause at the same time.The negative connotations of a black and white person being involved all stemmed from the hate,fear and feelings of superiority whites had for blacks. You are literally living the cause. Your relationship is a proclamation that blacks are free to do as we please and have the right to make whatever choices we want without having to worry about anyone putting any limitations or roadblocks in our way. It may take some time, but your parents will come around. Be candid and stand up for your decision. Challenge them with g'night provoking insights so even if they don't agree with it, they will respect your decision. Saying you are no longer down for the cause and giving up on your blackness is most likely exactly why they wouldn't want you with a white person because you are losing yourself in the process.
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