Please post.
I'm having an issue with my daughter. She's 15 and she's out of control. As a little girl she was very sweet and obedient but ever since she's gone to high school, she has become a rebellious teen and I don't know what to do with her anymore.
I've received numerous calls from the school about her bad behavior and blatant disrespect for the teachers and principal. I've even gotten a call from a young lady's mother who complained about my daughter bullying her at school. I've spoken to her and punished her but nothing seems to be working. It's like the more I punish her, the more disobedient she becomes. She shouts at me, calls me stupid and continues to do as she pleases. I've tried to lash her but she fights back.
I've heard that she's sneaking around with boys and even grown men, getting drunk, smoking marijuana and having sex. She's only 15 and I don't want her to ruin her life with these distractions. I've asked her about it but she denies everything.
For her entire life, I have bent over backwards to make sure my daughter is happy. She is my only child and I love her more than I love myself. She has always had the best of everything and instead of appreciating that, she has become an ungrateful brat! I never entertained a man because I was so caught up with my daughter and her desires.
I'm thinking I should send her to go live with her father but they have never had a close relationship so I'm not sure. He is also upset about the things he is hearing and wants to step in and help. Should I send her?
Please send your suggestions, I can't stand to see my daughter like this anymore. It's tearing me up inside.
Signed,
Desperate Mom
WISY's Response:
Dear Desperate Mom,
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this with your daughter. It's not uncommon for teenage girls to rebel but this, like you said, is out of control.
From where I stand, it seems your daughter is crying out for attention or has some inner turmoil which she is having difficulty expressing. It's especially difficult to get to the bottom of it when teenage hormones are running wild but it's important that you do not waver and remain a pillar of strength and support for her. If punishing her hasn't gotten her to give up her wayward ways then it's time for an alternative route.
My gut is telling me that your daughter may be acting out because of her father's absence in her life. If true, her relationships with grown men is an indication of that. She's trying to fill the void her father neglected to fill. Sleeping with numerous boys is also a coping mechanism; she is seeking validation from males since her father failed to impart her value throughout her upbringing. The alcohol and marijuana are modes of escape from her pain.
I know it is frowned upon for a child to be disobedient and society will be quick to tell us that punishment and discipline are the remedy for all "bad" children but continually hurting a child who is already suffering internally only deepens the wound. Please stop.
Before I say this, I want you to know that I'm not judging you; I'm the child of a single mother and I understand the struggles. With that said, you did your child a disservice by "bending over backwards to make her happy". I'm sure your intentions were golden when you provided her with everything she wanted but you failed to provide her with what she needed. In all your efforts to make her happy, you neglected your own love life. As a result, there was no positive male role model for your daughter nor was there a healthy relationship for her to emulate. In addition, you taught her that she could have everything she wants and now she is struggling to accept that she cannot.
People often say that a boy needs to have his father in his life in order to learn how to be a man. I believe we have forgotten how important it is for a girl to have her father as well. There are so many of us who do not know how to have a relationship with a man because our father never set an example. We don't know what is acceptable and respectable and as a result, there is a large percentage of broken little girls inside women's bodies, walking around with a chip on our shoulders.
At this point, her father needs to ease his way into her life. Let him know that he shouldn't approach with a bunch of criticism and rules. His role in all of this is critical and he needs to understand that. He needs to gain her trust above all else and then instill the values she lacks. Maybe she can spend her weekends with her father as a starting point. Encourage him to stop by and see her on a daily basis so that she knows her father is concerned with what she's doing.
I really hope this helps.
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
This brought tears to my eyes. I can relate to this young lady and WISY I must say you hit the nail on the head. She needs her dad.
ReplyDeleteMa'am, I don't know if sending her to her father is a good idea because you don't know the root cause of the problem. Yes she needs her dad but they are not close, so dumping her there may do more harm than good. Has she been tested to determine if anything is going on chemically, hormonally, mentally? Kids just don't turn rebellious overnight. Did something happen that you have yet to learn about? Trace her behavior back and see if you can pinpoint anything that can be a reason? Seek professional help because she is trying to communicate something to you. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteThis young lady needs a firm hand and mom seems to soft to handle her. She needs to go with her dad.
ReplyDelete