I Proposed to Him

Dear WISY,

I just turned 24 last week and I had the best birthday ever.  My man took me on a little road trip and we had an amazing time.  I felt so close to him and I know this is going to sound a little out there but I felt compelled to propose to him.  I know it's not tradition but I can honestly say that I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I wanted him to know that.  I've been seeing more and more videos of women doing this and it's inspiring to see bold women not confined to the standards of society.  He accepted even though I didn't have a ring or anything.  Like I said, I felt compelled to ask him in the moment of deep, spiritual intimacy.

All should be good, right?  Well, not really.  My father is dead set in his ways and he told me that he would not give his blessing (or money lml) unless my man got on one knee and proposed the "correct way".  I told my man about it and now he feels pressured to buy a ring for me.  We both are in grad school and don't have jobs.  We can't afford diamond rings but we do love each other so much.  I told my man not to worry about buying a ring that's going to break his pockets, I told him to just get a little band or something for now.  He told me he didn't think that would be enough for me and that I deserve something pretty.  

I really want us to be in this level of commitment and work towards finishing school and planning our wedding.  I'm afraid that waiting to make the engagement "official" could leave opportunity for us to drift apart.  Do you think I should borrow the money and go buy a decent ring so he can put a ring on it?   I feel like that falls in the same line of me taking the lead and being a trailblazer.

Signed,
Not Really Engaged

WISY's Response:

Dear NRE,

I applaud you for stepping outside of the box and making your intentions clear with your significant other.  It takes a lot of guts to do something like that and though some may feel that gender roles should be sharply defined, I think what you did was beautiful. Kudos!

If you two are meant to marry each other, the absence of a ring will not hinder that.  Also, I don't think your father will be too concerned about the price of the ring, I think he's more concerned about the traditional proposal.  His blessing and finances are important to you so, tell your man to get what he can afford or wait until you both have jobs and can afford what he believes you deserve.  No need to put yourself in debt for that.

None of this takes away from the moment you two shared over your birthday weekend.  That will always be the "official" proposal for you and him and a memory that will never die.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY