We Need to Talk About This More

🚨TRIGGER WARNING🚨

Account of sexual abuse, parental abuse, partner abuse.

Dear WIsy,

Story Time:

When I was a little girl, I went to live with some of my relatives because my mother went away to another country to work and send money back home to support the family.  My father has been addicted to drugs and alcohol for as long as I can remember. So, I really only had my mother to care for me until she left.

The relatives I went to stay with were always nice to me.  We spent most holidays together but I've never spent the night in their home.  My mother and I always made the trip but came back home that same evening.  I never understood why but I later found out why.  I'll get to that later in the story.

So, I went to live with them.  I can remember that I took all of my belongings with me, thinking that I would be able to set up my own room.  That was not the case.  I had to share a room with my family members who were around the same age as me.  It was an adjustment but it turned out to be good for me because I didn't feel too lonely at nights.  Things were good for about two months and then it all went to shit.

I can remember waking up to my male family member lifting me out of my bed.  He was the husband of the family member I was staying with.  He was old and he was always very stern with the children.  None of us spoke to him unless he asked us a question or something.  He took me to his yard shed and he molested me.  I did everything I could to make noise as I was being carried through the house but my mouth was covered with his big, heavy hand.  I was so scared to call for help when I was in the shed because he told me he would make sure the bad men killed my mother in the country she was working in.  From then on, I witnessed him take my other young relatives out of their beds on a regular basis.  We all were afraid of him and every night we prayed that we would not be chosen.  I asked the others why they didn't tell their mother and they told me that they did.  They told me that she was aware of everything and that she was afraid of him.  I didn't understand why no one did something to stop him.

I became a different person.  I stopped performing well in school and I began to fight a lot.  My teachers came to the house to talk to my relatives about me and they told her that I was just missing my mom.  She told them that she would help me improve my grades.  That night, I was threatened about bringing my grades back up and not calling attention to the household again.  My abuse stopped but I still witnessed the others being taken from their beds frequently.

One day, I told my teacher I didn't want to go home.  I asked her if I could go home with her instead.  She laughed at first but when she saw the tears, she became concerned.  I felt so safe with that lady. I just began to tell her everything that was going on.  I told her not to tell anyone because my mother would be killed like the old man told me.  She asked me if I had contact information for my mother and I told her I didn't but I could try to get it.  She told me not to worry about it.  She wanted to take care of it.  She lied and told my relatives that I had pulled my grades up so quickly that I was given recognition for my performance and that I would receive an award.  She asked for an email address for my mother so that she could send my mother a digital version of the award.  They gave it to her.  She sent an email and asked my mother to contact her.  She told her what was going on with me and my mother told her that she would be taking the next flight back to get me.

It took three days from the time that I told me teacher to the time that my mother came back to get me.  I've never seen her cry that much.  She apologized to me over and over again.  She told me that she knew that she shouldn't have left me there because the old man tried to do the same thing to her when she was younger.  She thought that he would not be doing that anymore because he was so old.  She asked me everything about what he did.  She took me to the doctor and she took me to the police station to make a report.  The old man was arrested.  He died before we went to trial.  His wife was also arrested.  She has been placed in a mental institution.  It never dawned on me that my relative was so young with such an older husband. It turns out that my relative was also a victim of his and was forced by her parents to marry him after she became pregnant by him. They had several children who grew up in a dysfunctional household.  

Although my mother was apologetic, she knew the type of person this man was, she knew the story behind that family. She should have never trusted them with me.  I'm struggling to completely forgive her for that.  There were other places I could've stayed but the image of a "happy family" was more important to her.  

Since then, I've been in therapy but I am still very hyper vigilant about interactions between children and adults.  I have trust issues.  I'm in college now and I'm very open about what I went through.  I am working up the courage to tell my story on TikTok as well.  We need to talk about this more.  My mother should have had a talk with me about this before handing me over to the child predator.  These people don't change. Don't be fooled.  Watch over your children, ask them questions, make sure that people know that your child should never ever be harmed while in their presence.  Make sure they know that you will raise hell to protect your child(ren).  It's an ugly world and people are sick.  Even with me writing this, I have tried very hard to protect the identity of the others involved.  I shouldn't have to do that.

Can we stop protecting these monsters and protect children????

Signed,

Healing

WIsy's Response:

Dear Healing,

Wow...this is so incredibly sad on so many levels. I'm sorry that this happened to you, and I commend you for your bravery (then and now).  Keep speaking up about this.  You're absolutely right - we do need to talk about this more.  We do need to remove the stigma, we do need to hold these predators accountable.  You've inspired me to keep talking about my story and I know that you will inspire others too. Thank you for that.  Please let me know when you post your TikTok and I'll repost it here.  

You did a great job telling your story without including those who are not yet ready to identify themselves publicly.  Continue to extend grace to those who have not yet achieved your level of commitment to speak openly about trauma.  Most importantly, continue to commit to your healing.

Walk good,

#TeamWIsy🌴