He's Been Cheating for the Majority of Our Relationship

 Dear WIsy,

I found out that my man has been cheating on me for the majority of our relationship. I found an old phone of his that he claims does not work but he still carries it around with him wherever he goes. I asked him if the phone is back on and he told me he just uses it to play music when he’s at work because his current phone is constantly in use for other work related things. 

When I opened the phone, I saw that he has been cheating on me with this one lady in particular. It seems he’s known her for a while, even before he met me. There are also other women that he talks to inappropriately. From what I can tell, one works with him and the others have area codes from other states.  I don't know if they have had sex but there is certainly intention.

We just had a baby and I don’t know if this is a good time for me to split up with him. I don’t really have family and support around here. He convinced me to move far away from everyone and now I’m wondering if it was to put me in a situation where I can’t leave him easily.

I’m hurt and feel helpless. I feel sick to my stomach all of the time since I found out. No, I haven’t told him yet because I don’t want any drama right now. I can’t handle it this soon after having a baby.

I don't know how or where to start. 

Signed,

Hurt and Betrayed

WIsy's Response:

Dear Hurt and Betrayed,

I'm so sorry that you're going through this right after having a baby.  With the responsibility of taking care of a newborn and postpartum hormonal changes, this is the last thing that you should have to worry about.  Sending you a huge a virtual hug.

It sounds like you want to leave him but don't have the support you'd need to leave.  My advice would be to start making phone calls.  Reach out to your family and friends.  I don't know what your relationship is like with them, but the ones who love you will show up for you.  Be strategic and try to have a plan in place for leaving and for when you arrive at your next destination.

Assuming that your definition of drama is an argument and nothing further, you should be okay to cut ties after you've revealed what you've discovered.  The most I'd expect you to have to deal with is a custody agreement.  If I'm wrong and you feel that you may be in danger, please involve the law in your process.

Also, I don't know how long it's been since you've had your baby, but getting outside really helps with boosting your mood.  Try to schedule in some daily walks or visits to the park with baby.  It sounds like that would do you well right now.

My heart goes out to you.  I am praying for your strength and happiness.  This is a chapter, not your entire story.

Walk good,

#TeamWIsy