Should I Call It Quits with My Husband?

Dear WISY,

My husband’s best friend came over on Christmas to introduce his new girlfriend.  They seemed very in love.  My husband jokingly interrogated her and praised her for finally showing up to save his best friend.  Following that day, we haven’t seen much of them, but they moved into a new place about 20 mins from our home.  Recently they’ve been having issues and my husband’s friend sometimes sleeps over at our house instead of going home.

With that said, his friend contacted me to ask me if I knew anything about my husband and his girlfriend talking on the phone.  I was unaware of that. I did some research and we both found that my husband and this young lady have been meeting up on lunch breaks, talking 2-3 hours at a time everyday, and they have been doing it all behind our backs.  We confronted them.  They admitted they had been having phone conversations, but stated they were discussing relationship issues and life.

We were also made aware that my husband bought her the new cat that she brought home some days after Christmas.  With all of this, I am unsure of what to do.  Has my husband really cheated with his friend’s girlfriend? Is it worth leaving my marriage?  

I can’t trust him so I can't see working it out at all.

Signed,

I Had No Idea

WISY's Advice:

Dear IHNI,

There is definitely cause for concern.  The secrecy of it all leads me to believe that there is more than just phone calls and lunch dates to talk about life and relationship issues.  Also, gifting a cat is usually reserved for close friendships, family members or intimate partners.  Even if they are not intimate, this is a case of emotional cheating, and that can be more harmful than physical cheating.  I don't blame you for losing trust, but I also want you to consider marriage counseling to help with this situation.

The help of a professional could help to unearth the root of the problem within your marriage or more specifically, with your husband.  Counseling will help you determine what direction is best for you, and  provide the next best steps to help you recover from the psychological effects that betrayal causes.

In the meantime, try to keep a clear head and surround yourself with people who will help you manage through this emotionally taxing time.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

I Require Luxury

Dear WISY,

I recently had a falling out with my friend because she says I’m wrong but I think once a person is accustomed to a certain thing there is nothing wrong with wanting that at all times.  Here is my story:

I don’t work.  I really have never worked in my entire life.  The only time I can remember having a job is when I was a teenager and I started to take interest in fashion and my mother couldn’t afford the items I wanted.  Now, I am in my mid-thirties, don’t  have any children as yet and I'm totally fine with that.  My main concern is my comfort and when I say comfort, I mean my luxurious lifestyle.  I know most women will not admit to this but I have no problem with claiming what I am and I am a “kept woman”.

I require a man who will take full care of me and go above and beyond the basic necessities.  I have to have a luxury vehicle and a big, comfortable home.  I need to be able to see an item and be able to purchase it and not worry about the price tag.  Most women only dream of the life I live.  I’m not bragging, just telling it like it is.

So, my friend seems to think that I am engaging in wrong behavior because of my requirements.  She says that my man doesn’t really love me.  He just wants to have something nice on his arm and that he will eventually get tired of me.  Can you say "JEALOUS"?  I think that if a person is used to a certain thing that there is nothing wrong with continuing to live that way.  I’m not hurting anyone and both me and my man are happy.

Do you think I am wrong for this?  Keep in mind I’m not hurting a soul or doing anything illegal!

Signed,

Luxurious

WISY's Response:

Dear Luxurious,

If you and your man are happy then that's your business.  Like you said, you're not harming anyone or engaging in illegal activity.  HOWEVER, I can't help but think of how lost you would be without the man (or men) who supports your luxurious lifestyle.  I didn't see that you mentioned anything about a skill or trade you could fall back on in case everything you have grown accustomed to suddenly disappears.  May I suggest you use some of his money to pay for an education of some sort?  There must be something that you have an interest in.  Why not become a professional at it?

If you are fine with being his arm candy then you must know that he has an eye for pretty things and there are many other pretty things running around that could very well replace you on his arm.  Not trying to burst your bubble, "just telling it like it is" :-).

I'll leave you with this:
Think about your future.  Material things can be taken away in an instant and beauty fades.  Make sure you are taking steps to secure happiness and peace when you are too old to be "arm candy".

Walk good,
#TeamWISY