He Cheated so I Cheated too

Dear WISY,

I'm writing you because I really really really need help and advice.  Please post to your site.

Almost a year ago, I found out my husband was cheating with his co-worker.  I was hurt and I was going to confront him about it but my sister advised me that it was a bad idea because my husband spoiled me and took very good care of me.  She said I would risk losing everything and give it all to the new woman.  I listened to her but I was torn up inside and miserable.  He continued to stay out longer and became more and more distant.  I decided to do something about it.

I started looking for company on a dating site.  I found a man who was also married and we became quick friends.  He was so attractive and I started to sleep with him right away.  The first time I had him, I didn't want to leave but we both had to go home to our spouses.  I continued to see him on a regular basis.  I even got pregnant by him but had to terminate for obvious reasons and now we are in love.

Every time we see each other, it is gut wrenching to leave.  We are so in love with each other and we have spoken about divorcing our spouses and moving on together.  There is nothing holding me back but he has children and he doesn't want to cause any problems for them.

Do you think I should leave my cheating husband for this man?  I no longer love my husband, I love this new guy with all my heart.

Signed,
Creeping

Nobody's Fool: How to Find Out if your Man is Cheating

 After All Is Said And Done: A Novel of Infidelity, Healing & Forgiveness

WISY's Response:

Dear Creeping,

Should you leave a cheating man for another cheating man?  Sure, go ahead and jump from the pot to the fire.  I think you've established a type, don't you?  Okay, let me stop being mean because I'm not immune to these types of mistakes either.  I know your judgment may be clouded by love right now but take a minute to think this thing through and then you can probably answer your own question.  Put your confused heart in your pocket for a second and bring your brain to this conversation.

Your husband is a cheater.  Becoming a cheater yourself doesn't rectify the situation.  As much as I would like to say "Yes girl! Give him a dose of his own medicine!", that really isn't the solution to this.  Let him know that you're aware of his affair and see how he reacts.  If he wants forgiveness then it may be worth it to work it out with this cheater rather than the new one you've acquired.  If he he shows little care, then you can move on.

If you move on, don't rush your new man to leave his family.  Remember his concerns for his children and respect that.  Don't be surprised if you're left out on the limb by yourself.  If that's the case, it may not be so bad.  You can find a man who isn't spoken for and build a honest and loving relationship with him.

Remember this:  We often become engrossed in the escape and fantasy of an unrealistic situation and mistake it for love.  We only see a small portion of a person during the stolen hours of infidelity and somehow convince ourselves that that's the remedy for our unhappiness.  This is a common mistake.  Ask yourself a few questions about this man and his happenings outside of your bedroom romps.  Do you really know him?  Does he know you?

Try to fix what you have at home before dealing with another cheater.  If that doesn't work then by all means, move on.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY