Some time has passed since this happened but it is still on my mind and I wanted to get your readers' opinion on this. First off I will say that I know I am a very stubborn person and I tend to hold grudges but I feel entitled to these feelings I am carrying.
When I was a pre-teen I fell head over heels in love with a guy who lived close to me. Everybody called it puppy love but I knew in my heart that I would marry this boy one day. Naturally, things happened and we broke up. He was heart broken but I was ok. I felt a little relief when I found out he was holding hands with another girl while walking her home from school. I was hurt but relieved because this boy was beginning to become very possessive of me. My mother even noticed the way he had changed.
My good friend was also very concerned about the whole relationship. She claimed he was no good from the beginning and didn't like him for me at all. So, you can imagine the shock and hurt I felt when she began dating him in college. She knew we still spoke on the phone and she knew how much I loved him. Yes, there was a six year gap in between but I still feel like he is off limits to her.
At first, I told her I was ok with it but as it got more serious between them, I felt rage and jealousy. She knows he was my first everything! How could she go there? Of all the people in the world she chose my first love? I don't understand it at all.
Now, they are set to walk down the aisle in a few weeks. I don't know if I can stand and be her bride's maid. I thought I could but I'm not too sure anymore. Maybe I should have just told her I didn't like it from the beginning. Maybe she would not carry on the relationship or maybe she would stop talking to me so she could carry on the relationship. Either way, I wouldn't be in this situation right now.
Should I tell her that I can't be in the wedding?
Signed,
Jealous
Dear Jealous,
ReplyDeleteIt’s always best to be truthful. You can see what the consequences are when you are not. I’m not sure of the details of your relationship with your friend but she has definitely broken the oldest code in the book – Exes are off limits! I don’t care how long ago it was, there will always be some degree of awkwardness present in these situations. I may be wrong but personally, I think the code should be respected and strictly adhered to.
Generally, I would ask you to weigh the importance of your relationship with your friend and the severity of your feelings. Are you willing to lose a friend over this (because that may be the outcome of expressing your feelings)? But it seems that the hurt you feel trumps the want to carry on a friendship. Expressing your feelings to your friend is probably the only way you will get some kind of relief from the situation. Surely she can understand the significance of your relationship with him, especially since he was your first. The timing may not be perfect but it is better than allowing these feelings to fester, bubble over and cause a scene. Let her know politely that you are unable to be completely happy for her on her wedding day and that you will not be present. Wish her the best and prepare for the possibility of her being absent from your life.
Hey, look on the bright side! You did say that this guy began showing signs of possessiveness as a pre-teen. You may have escaped from something more serious. You should be thankful for that.
Walk Good,
#TeamWISY