I Cheated with my Man's Nephew

Dear WISY,

This is embarrassing to talk about.  I hope I will not be judged for this, but I have been unknowingly sleeping with my man's nephew for a few months.  I admit that I am wrong for even cheating in the first place, but my man is not the man he used to be when it comes to sex and affection.  I started hanging out at this spot to try to meet a friend with benefits and I did find someone.

He's younger and I started sleeping with him.  I bought him gifts sometimes, and I think that made him want to be around me more often.  That was fine because I was getting what I wanted.  I was spending so much that my man noticed the difference.  I wasn't paying the bills and we got a cut off notice from the power company.  He started to question me about what I've been doing with the money.  I think he got suspicious but I didn't admit to anything.  I told him lies about helping family.  Little did I know that I was actually helping family.

Anyway, I got my shit together and stopped spending and creeping.  I got caught up on my bills and things were looking better with me and my man.  The other guy tried reaching out a few times, but I shut him down.  Anyway, things were going so good that he decided that he wanted to go out with me for drinks.  We hit this spot up, and there he was!  The nephew!  They embraced and I got introduced.  My mind is blown at the moment!  I don't know how to carry on.  I'm scared the nephew is going to tell it all.  What do I do now?

Signed,
Needed Attention

Couple's Guide To Spice It Up: 71 Tips On How To Experiment Safely With Your Wildest Fantasies & Make Your Love Life As Hot As You Want

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

WISY's Response:

Dear NA,

Well, this is awkward.  I'm not sure how to answer this.  You already know that you're wrong for cheating in the first place, so there's no need for me to get into that.  Maybe you can talk to the nephew and see where his head is regarding your relationship.  Hopefully, he won't care enough to reveal anything, but if he does, you're just going to have to face the music.  You've made a bed that you may have to lie in.

If anything, I think this experience has been a valuable lesson for you.  Hopefully you now know that communication about your dissatisfaction with your man should have happen instead of seeking a friend with benefits.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

Hot Cream Cellulite Treatment – Belly Fat Burner for Women and Men – Natural Anti Aging Cream with Antioxidants and Essential Oils Rosemary Lavender Aloe – Deep Tissue Massage Muscle Relaxer

Am I Adopted?

Dear WISY,

I think I'm adopted.  I came across some documents in my father's room.  I saw some photos of a baby who I think is me and a woman who looks like me and some documents that state that my father would raise someone (not my name) and provide all the opportunities that I've been fortunate enough to have.  The paper is an unofficial document which leads me to believe that the adoption is unofficial, but there is definitely an agreement in writing detailing the procedure and promises that my father should carry out.

I don't know if the baby in the photo is me. There is a woman holding the baby in the photos who looks like me.  I'm excited to know that I may have more family out there somewhere.  I don't really have any family, and when I ask my dad about it, he tells me that his family passed away and he's all that's left.  He told me that my mom also passed away.  It's always just been us two. As I grew older, that story became less and less believable to me.

I am so curious now.  I want to ask my dad about it, but there's a possibility that I may hurt his feelings because he always says "We got each other and that's what matters".  To be honest, I have had an amazing life so far.  My father has been the best father a girl could ask for.  My upbringing was everything outlined in the agreement and more.  I know he truly loves me regardless of whether he is my blood father or not.  But, I still feel like I have the right to know. I'm an adult now.  Should I ask him to tell me the truth about the stuff I found?

Signed,

Curious Daughter

In On It: What Adoptive Parents Would Like You To Know About Adoption. A Guide for Relatives and Friends. (Mom’s Choice Award Winner) 

Image by Jerzy Górecki from Pixabay

WISY's Response:

Dear CD,

It's commendable that you are considering your father's feelings.  This quality is indicative of someone who was raised in love (kudos to your father), but I believe you have a right to know if you're adopted or if there is some unique cause for your current situation.  When you ask your father about it, be sure to ask with compassion.  Assure him that you are grateful for everything he has done for you.  Speak with love and appreciation.  This will diminish the chances of any combativeness or insecurities from your father, and may ease him into becoming comfortable with discussing this issue with you.  Express that you are an adult now and that you want to know your background in its entirety.

If those documents do in fact have something to do with you, also consider that your father may have kept the information from you to protect you.  The information may be unpleasant.  So, be sure that you are ready to hear truths which may interfere with your peace.

Ultimately, I think people should know who they are, but remember that your origin doesn't define you.  You can narrate your own story.  

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

Divine Derriere Intimate Skin Lightening Gel for Body, Bikini and Sensitive Areas and Whitening Cream Dark Spot Corrector Remover For Face – Sexy Glow Duo

I Have to be Drunk to Sleep with My Husband

Dear WISY,

I need some help.  I have been with my husband for over a decade.  I love him, but I'm bored, and I can only have sex with him when I'm drunk.  So, he makes sure I'm always at least tipsy.  We have sex a lot, so I'm always under the influence.  I'm beginning to become reliant on alcohol to cope with my husband.  I keep telling him the things I find exciting, but he doesn't seem interested.  Instead, he keeps making me drinks or taking me out to drink.  

I don't work and he keeps reminding me that my job is to please him.  I really don't have anything for myself.  I've been the perfect wife to him.  I just want to be happy for myself now.  I have no clue where to start.  I need some help.  I want my husband to please me as much as I please him.  I'd like to remember my days and nights and exist without the influence of alcohol.

Do you think I should leave and find myself again? What should I do? 

Signed, 

Tipsy Wife

Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

Pixabay.com

Dear Tipsy Wife,

This is a sad situation.  If you can't be with your husband sober then it's time to reevaluate the relationship, and ultimately, your life.  So, yes, I do think you should find yourself again, and you may or may not need to leave in order to do so.

First, I suggest that you begin the process of self discovery (or rediscovery).  Revisit or carry out activities that will help you gain the confidence to venture into your truth.  Start seeking out the things that you've been neglecting for yourself.  Find and keep the company of like-minded people who will encourage you during this journey.

Go F*ck, I Mean, Find Yourself.: The Wisdom You Need to Get Off Your Ass and Create Your Best Self.

Tell your husband the things you've expressed to me.  Tell him that marriage is a two-way street and that your happiness is equally as important as his.  Express that you do not intend to live your life as you have been, and that you are not afraid to start over on your own.  If he has an inkling of respect for you, he will support your decision.  If he resists, then that's a sign that he cannot see past his selfish desires, and I suggest you separate from him and continue your journey of finding self.

If you have to leave, you may find your new reality to be intimidating and you may begin to question your decision.  This is perfectly normal.  Keep pushing through and let faith replace your fear.  I promise that there is joy and fulfillment on the horizon.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

The Temptation is too Strong

Dear WISY,

I don't usually write to advice columns, but I am in need of some help.  I will try to make a long story short.  Here goes...

I broke up with my boyfriend about a year ago.  After I broke up with him, I was feeling really insecure about myself and I ended up talking to my Aunt's boyfriend about it because we were all over at my mom's house for dinner.  Anyway, I told him how I was feeling and he started to shower me with compliments.  I don't know how this happened, but I ended up kissing him.  So, now I'm having an affair with my favorite Aunt's man.

He is a good looking guy - anybody would fall for his charm.  I feel like he knew I was vulnerable and he wanted to kiss me.  He didn't fight me when I kissed him.  Instead, he rubbed up on me.  It felt good to me because it's been a while since I've had a man touch my body.  I know it's wrong what we did, but we can't seem to stop seeing each other.  It's been some months and we've had sexual contact every day since the kiss.  I forgot to mention that he is closer to my age than to my Aunt's age.

The other day, my mom confided in me that her sister (my aunt) is feeling suspicious about her man cheating.  She said my aunt is snooping and will get to the bottom of it because that's how she is.  She's like the FBI.  I'm afraid that she will find out what happened between me and her man.  I told him what was going on and he's not worried about it.  He said he covers his tracks, has passwords on everything, and deletes all our conversations. I told him that we need to chill for a bit, but he keeps coming over and I can't resist him.

I need some help with this situation because I KNOW I'm wrong.  The temptation is too strong.  How do I overcome it?

Signed,
Tempted

The Breakup Band Aid: A 12-step Program to Kick the Addiction to Your Ex

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

WISY's Advice:

Dear Tempted,

Cut it off immediately.  You shouldn't be rebounding with someone who is intimate with your aunt.  Doesn't that gross you out?!  If that isn't enough, you know you will probably get caught since your aunt is "like the FBI".  You will hurt her immensely if she finds out!  Plus, a man who is sleeping with his woman's niece is morally flawed.  Is that enough to get you to close the door on this situation?

Like you said, you know you're wrong. Let your sensibility reign and disregard the messages of lust from your body.  Or at least direct them toward someone else.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY